When Jerry first came to The Wheelhouse six months ago, he was only looking for a place where he could stop drinking. Today, he serves as House Manager, helping other men navigate the same structure and rules that helped him get sober.

What do you remember about walking through the door that first day?

Jerry says, “It was big. It just seemed really big, like a big facility. Everyone was sober, from what it looked like, and it was clean.”

More than anything, he remembers the relief.

“I was happy. I was in a place and not trying to figure out living in my car and drinking in my car. I felt safe, and I just felt, ‘I don’t have to drink again.’”

What did you think about all the rules and structure when you first arrived?

“For me, that’s the main reason I came,” Jerry says. “When I looked online at the rules, one of the rules was you have to give up your phone, and you can’t leave the property. And then I felt only people that are really willing … will do something like this.”

Today, he sees another purpose behind those rules.

“Now that I’m on this side, I’m seeing certain rules … rules to teach us that come in here for the first time, who haven’t been responsible, some responsibility and teamwork and community.”

Was there a moment during your first 30 days when getting sober started to make sense?

“Yes,” Jerry says. “It was during a Thursday night meeting when this gentleman named Mitch was chairing one of the meetings at The Wheelhouse. Mitch told the group about caring for his mother in the hospital.”

“She said she was really proud of him that he’s sober now. And she passed away like that night,” Jerry recalls. “It was almost like she wasn’t worried about him anymore. And she was able to move on to the next life.”

For Jerry, that story carried something he really needed that night.

“That gave me some sense of hope. It was pretty powerful for me.”

Now you are responsible for the house. What does that feel like?

“It gives me a sense of purpose and responsibility,” Jerry says. “I know I can’t save anybody, but I do the best I can to try and help people towards what The Wheelhouse is all about.”

He points men toward what worked for him.

“Working with their sponsor. And working the 12 Steps, with honesty. I really encourage people to do that because that’s what works for me.”

Your job is to run the house, but you’re not their sponsor, counselor or therapist. Where does your responsibility begin and where does it end?

“My job is to enforce the rules,” Jerry says. When someone is struggling, I try to point him back toward recovery and to relationships with others in The Wheelhouse that matter.”

“I encourage them to be honest with their sponsor, and with someone they trust about what’s going on.”

What do you do when men talk to you about personal things?

“All I really do is tell them what I would do in that situation. But I always end with, ‘And, you need to talk to your sponsor about this.’”

That boundary becomes especially difficult when Jerry sees a man walking away from recovery.

Have you ever wanted someone’s recovery more than he wanted it himself?

“Yes,” Jerry says. “And that’s something I’m learning.”

Can you share about a recent situation like that?

“I realized I wanted it more than him. And it doesn’t work that way.”

Jerry understands the other side of that experience because he once lived it himself.

“There’s been other people in my life that wanted me to recover more than me at the time. But I needed to go through certain things to have that psychic change in willingness.”

“When I recognize that I’m trying to carry something that belongs to someone else, I try to remind myself of what my responsibility actually is.”

“When I recognize that, it puts me more at ease. It’s not up to me to fix these things with that man. I’m the House Manager.”

What happens inside this house every day that people outside The Wheelhouse might never think about?

Jerry pauses before answering.

“It’s really the silent struggle almost everyone is dealing with,” he says.

“People don’t see that. They just kind of see the addict. But they don’t see the silent battle we’re dealing with when we’re new to this.”

What do people misunderstand about men during their first 30 days sober?

“How fragile we can be,” Jerry says.

“We have all these outside problems we’re worrying about. And this is the first time in a long time We’re not relying on a substance to numb ourselves. So our emotions are all over the place.”

His own recovery has changed what he sees when a new man is angry, or difficult, or ready to leave.

“I can now separate their addiction from them as a human being,” Jerry says. “I can look past some of the delusion, the egos that come through and actually look at the human being.”

What does change look like when you see it happening?

“When I see change in somebody, what is happening?” Jerry asks.

Yes.

“A man who came into the house last week, constantly talking, in a way I saw as manipulative. Which it was. And then he just stopped one day, and just went straight into action,” Jerry says.

“Instead of talking about himself, he began helping others. Asking the phone man if he needs a break, or just picking up some slack from other people. Stuff like that.”

Does taking care of the house strengthen your own recovery?

“Oh yeah, a hundred percent,” Jerry says.

“When I do what I can to give my time away and just help, and try to keep order here, I stop worrying about whatever it is I think I want or think I need.”

That service has helped him learn to live differently.

“I’ve been able to really stop living in the past and in the future and start living in the moment. That’s been the key: just be present.”

What have the men of The Wheelhouse taught you about yourself?

“I used to have a lot of self-esteem issues,” Jerry says.

“But people here have been teaching me that I have some value. I don’t know how else to describe it. That I have some value and I have something to offer.”

At the end of the day, when everything is done, and you’re alone, what do you think about?

“I really think about how much of a miracle it is that I’m here right now and not in my car, depressed, looking at the stars, figuring out if I’m going to live or not,” Jerry says.

He is also aware of how fragile recovery can be.

“But if I don’t continue to do the work every day, the Steps, connect with AA, talk with my sponsor and others I trust … it just seems so fragile because I’ve seen people relapse and go out just like that.”

Why did you agree to be the manager of The Wheelhouse?

“Because it saved my life,” Jerry says.

“There were decades where I didn’t want to live, but I didn’t want to die either. It was this limbo, and it was horrible.”

“Now I want to live. And that’s priceless. I owe The Wheelhouse a lot”

What are you beginning to believe about yourself today that you did not believe six months ago?

I’m learning to quiet my mind, stop overthinking, and deal with what is actually in front of me,” he says

“If I need help, I have people; I think that was the hardest thing for me to do before: to reach out to people and ask for help.”

That willingness to ask for help is now something he syas he tries to model for the men coming behind him.

And that leads to the final question.

If you could sit down beside yourself six months ago, what would you say to him right now? You were new to all this.

“Just give yourself to the house. Do what they tell you to do.” Jerry says.

“It’s okay to feel however you feel. Just give yourself to the house and just try to help others get through this.”

“All that depression and self-esteem issues will go away. Even if you can’t see it right now.”